teenage girls ... arrrrgggghhhhh

Last night, I decided not to go to Yoga and my new-old friend could not get together.  It turns out that it's a good thing.  Came home to find Siehara had been in my room (AGAIN).  I had not put the lock on properly and she was able to pu**** open.   

Then she told me she was on the computer "doing research".  Of course, there is no history from the day, but there was history from Black Friday.  She was researching that damn kid who she was texting/sexting waaaay back the first time.  WTF...

Her friend Blake was here and after I exploded on her and told him he had to leave, I heard them talking while he was waiting for his dad to come get him.  He really helped to get her through some of what she was feeling.  There are definitely feelings of loneliness because he is really her only true friend.. makes me so sad.  She's very lonely.  

She is still losing priviledges, big time.  I blocked this kid from her phone, email, facebook AND took away all of those priviledges for an unknown amount of time.  I am going to set her phone so she can ONLY call or text a few numbers because I NEED her to have her  phone.  Sprint allows restrictions/allowances to certain numbers.    

So, I need to figure out how to help her through this.. I am so lost and frustrated with how to deal with her.  When I put her in counseling, it doesn't seem to help.  She does not want to talk to a stranger about how she is feeling and what she is going through.  

I don't know what to do.......... someone, anyone???

Lisa just because she does not want to talk to a stranger about her feelings does not mean it would not be helpful to her. She is seeking strangers out and utilizing them in an unhealthy way so she is able to do this.

Have you tried like a big brothers big sister deal? Or some kind of mentor program? Her self esteem is low, she is lonely, she is different. You do your best and damn good job but it is just not enough to fill that vacuous hole she has.

Dont give up, take her to therapy anyway. She is so avoidant of so many things that are good for her, and I have seen how she makes it so miserable for you if you try to get her to do the right thing for herself. I feel bad for you because you are in this alone. 

I dont have any kids so I am the last person to have any real advice but I will look into some programs I can find

I dont know if these people are what you need but they may know where you need to go to get help

Youth Advocate Programs Inc.

www.yapinc.org

717-232-7580

Thanks for the link, Nicole.  They DO have an office near me.  We currently deal with KidsPeace.  I'm wondering if a different therapist is what she needs.  

Lisa,

Everything that Nicole said was pretty good, so what I can add, as having been a single parent to teenage girls is this, you are doing everything right and unfortunately for you, the reality is she is a teenager and most teenagers suffer from esteem issues, wanting acceptance, wanting to be part of the in crowd, etc. and seldom do they trust the people who care about them most, parents, to express in words how they are feeling and what they are going through.  They do it in their behaviors, rebellious natures, etc., so while it is hard to go through, heck I have a 34 yo daughter who is doing something right now that I KNOW is not in her best interest, just be who you are, as the truth is, what they need more than they know is consistency in parenting techniques and since you've done all you could to be and show her how much you are there for her, the boundaries and limitations you are setting are good and the counseling, well I like Nicole's advice on that, as well as seeking additional avenues for support.

Hugs, Laureen

Lisa,

I am so sorry you are going through this! I told Siehara this and I will tell you the same thing...if she wants someone to talk to I am ALWAYS available to her. She reminds me alot of myself when I was that age. I was basically an only child since my brother was already out of the house and married by the time I was Siehara's age. I dealth with alot of the same issues that she is dealing with. I am not a stranger and I can so empathize with her!! She has my cell number if she wants to talk to me. The offer is open to you as well! I am not a parent of a teenager(yet) but I can offer an ear and friendship for you so you  don't feel so alone in this!!

Love you both!

Beth

okay I have a 17 year old and there are days where I either want to make her bald or paint a red target on my wall and run my head right into it and yell bulls eye!  So I know and I am her main parent long story let me say that you can call sprint and do all the blocking you want and they will find a way to communicate including e mail they can change their address or you can get what is called a keyboard tracker which will show you her activities on the computer.   I have been down that road so that's a problem and as far as computer I would lock her out of it and supervise her while she is on it.  Children are resourceful how about channeling her time in another direction figure out what she is into positively and do that I mean like some kind of sport or hobby.  I got Heather into horses and yes that is expensive but I look at it this way its cheaper than a lawyer or such.  I know where she is at and up to .  I know you are lost its the toughest job being a parent yet alone a single Mom I applaud all of them for that.  I think Nic has the best idea find a therapist one she likes and if she doesn't reinforce it because that could be her defense well I don't like them and she gets off with that I don't know if you tried family counseling that's another option she is lucky to have Blake I guess but personally I would have waited til Blake left then exploded on her though what good did that do?  Just wondering no offense please.  You can make her phone where you are the only person to call and receive whenever I got pissed at Heather I did that and only once and told her the next time no more phone.  Its not in my contract as a parent to give you a cell phone, cable TV, and a horse!  How old is this kid she is sexting?  If he is older its time to get the police involved that could be her wake up Mom means business.  Or if push come to shove when you are not home see if there is a place for her to go supervised that may be a little harsh.  Sorry you are going through this its so tough I know. 

Lisa;
Been there with all this.  Had both my daughters in threapy, one liked it the other did not and refused to talk.  Her therapist just sat there with her until she was motivated to say something.  I know Gene works with a lot of kids, he said when they are ready to open up they will it takes time, they have to learn that the therapist is safe, and most importantly the kids he works with most have abandonment issues so the one thing he is very cautious of is showing them he is not going to abandon them.

Big sister is a good suggestion.  Alot of my co workers do this, Kids Peace is one of the places my hubby actually talks about as being a good place for kids (there are many that he feels are not and is very vocal about them with me).

Hang in there with her, it's a long hard road.  

The one thing I am thankful for with my girls was there were no cell phones, no texting, and no computer IM that came along as they were leaving their teens.  They did have beepers adn that was a challenge they lost their privlidges more than they had the beeper.

Ida

Lisa,
I am so sorry you are going thru all these issues with Siehara.  Looks like everyone Else's advice is good, and I have nothing to add other that your are a great Mom.  There are so many out there who do no****ch what their children are doing and do not recognize that there are issues going or that there are problems.  There will come a day when she is older that she will thank you for loving her enough to do all these things for her.  I will pray for calm,peace, and insight for you as you face these issues with her.  Hang in there it will get better.
((((Hugs))) Ena

i know this is a little late to respond to your post, but here goes
from my experience with my kids, counseling didn't work because it was just an adult who listened and said  you poor thing  i understand. maybe peer to peer counseling might be better, or even a group setting. then she would get advise from someone she could relate to (another teen) but in an controlled setting.
from what i went through taking things away just made my kids world smaller. they were not able to keep up with their friends, because of punishments, and restrictions and were left behind. the others friendships grew and my kids were left out. i don't know the answer i just know that this didn't help.
maybe her punishment could be no electronic entertainment on the weekends, and then has to spend every minute with you.this May seem like a punishment for  you also  ,but you Can use this time to bond. maybe play some board games,cards,or even clean the house.